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Legion contributor Jonah Keel recapped and reviewed this episode of The Vampire Diaries. Follow him on Twitter @JonahKeel! Next week Victoria ‘Dash’ Williams will be taking over!

Full disclosure, Weezer’s The Blue Album was the first CD I ever purchased, so beyond being one of the best albums ever, it holds a special place in my heart. I wonder if this episode of The Vampire Diaries “The World Has Turned and Left Me Here,” will have a similar effect on me.

This week on the Vampire Diaries, the song referenced in the episode title gets even better, the sulking takes a back seat to story, and we learn that everyone from Mystic Falls is still terrible at flirting. So terrible.

We open on sleepy Stephan who gets a call from Tripp. Tripp offers exposition and details the torture he put Enzo though. Stefan all but Shaggy style “Zoinks” into the phone. If Tripp wasn’t suspicious before, he is now. Of course, Stefan has other worries, as newly vamped Ivy is crazy hungry and having trouble dealing with her new undeath. After a brief temper fit, Stefan shares with Ivy the age old method vampires use to settle an argument: the classic broken neck trick. Way to educate Stefan.

At Whitmore, Caroline’s shower is interrupted by Stefan, who after breaking Ivy’s neck, stuffed her in a trunk. If she didn’t already have some issues, she’s going to develop them. Stefan wants help with Ivy, so he’s come to Caroline. Ivy immediately notices the chemistry, but doesn’t seem to ship Caroline/Stefan. Stefan is being more than a little flirty. Ivy is throwing more than a little side eye.

You could have called first

In occult studies, Alaric tells a needlessly expositional story about Lady Whitmore’s ghost. No one pays attention. Tyler flirts with Liv, who is not having it. After class, Alaric chides Elena about remaining compelled, even though she’s only kind of compelled still, but it’s spirit magic, so who really know show it works. Elena wants him to get out and have fun, but he’d rather brood, because Vampire. The flirty guy (had to check IMDB again) Liam flirts sloppily with Elena. He looks like a hipster boy scout. I’m not shipping it.

Damon and Bonnie finally show up happily traipsing through the woods. Damon is crazy happy and psyched to see Elena. Kai shows up just in time to mess with the chemistry, just like the twins on Full House (not the Olsen twins, the ones who ended up on The Suite Life With Zach and Cody). But, Kai does offer some nice exposition about the eclipse and getting home and jumping the shark.

After only hours, Ivy is already pushing her luck by wearing Caroline’s dress. Caroline is more annoyed at Stefan for bailing after dropping Ivy off. Ivy seems strangely cool about Caroline’s crush. Ivy still really wants to eat people, Caroline says no. So, Ivy like a good vampire, breaks Caroline’s neck. You know, typical vampire tantrum. Anytime you feel the conversation isn’t going your way? Neck snap.

While the bonfire/homecoming /corn maze shenanigans begin, Caroline tries to locate Stefan, who checks in on Alaric shockingly having a drink. Alaric may be an alcoholic. Alaric throws shade at Stefan for continually running away and choosing to not engage (which we’ll henceforth call “pulling an Elena”). Alaric, while peeved at Stefan chooses NOT to break his neck? Very civilized.

Pictured Higher Education

Ivy, having learned good behavior from her Salvatore ex BF, is hunting, and almost kills a dude, then fails to compel him. At least she figured out that neck snapping is only ok between vampire BFFs. Take the little victories. Baby steps people. Baby steps.

Damon digs a big hole to help facilitate the trio’s escape. Kai helps by securing a bag of 1994 references that includes a six-pack of Zima. That dude is going to make a mint on E-bay. Bonnie calls Kai’s bluff and proves he does need their help. Ballsy Bonnie. Kai admits he doesn’t know the escape spell, so Bonnie kills him, because after spending enough time around vampires you realize every argument must end with a neck snapping or impalement.

At the corn maze, Elena and Liam continue to have zero chemistry. I’d say they suck at flirting, but it just seems like they suck at flirting with each other. Hottie doctor Jo, shows up to flirt with Alaric and show the kids how it’s done. For a second I thought this episode would feature only flirting fails. Thanks Jo! But then, stuff gets real.

Tyler interrupts the flirtations by driving through the corn maze because Ivy’s hapless victim decided to run directly into the road, which is clearly miles from where he was attacked. You’d think he might’ve run towards “not the middle of nowhere”? Even though he was almost killed by Ivy, his death will surely trigger Tyler’s werewolf curse. Elena, oblivious to Tyler’s plight, uses vampire blood to save a girl whom lousy Liam seems sure is going to die. Alaric goes right past wanting to make out and into wanting to suck his date’s blood because vampire.

Elsewhere, Caroline tracks Ivy. Stefan shows up just in time. To be a jerk. Like super jerk. And then he whines. And then broods. I was worried there would be no brooding. I should’ve known! Never change The Vampire Diaries. Never. Change. Caroline stops flirting with Stefan long enough to be legitimately mad at him for being a jerk. Stefan does NOT snap her neck. He just skulks off as Ivy calls Caroline to apologize.

Damon drinks Zima while Bonnie researches the spell to escape. I call shenanigans due to the lack of a jolly rancher in the bottle. (Six of you got that reference.) Bonnie figures out the spell, so the duo hops in the hole to escape.

Tyler tries to save the hapless victim by pulling a Stefan and moping. It doesn’t seem effective until Liv shows up to help. They flirt. Awkwardly. Though to be fair, the guy gasping his final breaths is like the worst wingman ever. Lest you think no on else would flirt over a body, Alaric and doc Hottie Jo, keep showing the kids how it’s done.

Flirting 101

Bonnie starts to open the portal to send the duo home. We all wait for Kai to show up and ruin everything. And during a super sweet moment, Kai does in fact pull an Urkel. Sigh. Stupid Kai.

Liv actually pulls off a decent bit of flirting by killing the terrible wingman/victim in order to stave off Ty’s werewolf curse, and doesn’t even get a smooch. You missed your moment Tyler. You missed your moment. Meanwhile, Elena and Liam prove they have no chemistry by only cursorily flirting over a victim that receives a successful emergency tracheotomy. After Elena just fist bumps Liam, he notices the girl Elena saved, walking around happy as a clam, and gets suspicious.

Damon and Kai fight, and not in a fanfic sort of way. Bonnie saves Damon, and dooms herself to be stuck with Kai, because she clearly has no desire to head back to the land of neck snapping and awkward flirting. That or she really loves 1994 more than me. Which isn’t possible, so it’s clearly the former.

Alaric and doctor Jo McFlirty flirt in the ER. For several minutes. Finally Alaric breaks the spell of excellent flirtation by using a spell (see what I did there?) to compel Jo to forget him. Then, Jo shakes it off and kisses him. Well played McFlirty. Well played.

In the land of setting up the next two episodes, Trip captures Ivy, and Caroline shows up literally 30 seconds too late. Somewhere an M83 song starts playing, and somehow, no one is making out. Not Liv and Tyler. Cause Liv is sad. Not Elena and Liam—wait, they do make out. So awkwardly. Stefan shows up at the Salvatore family crypt to talk to Damon’s ghost. Damon shows up as the music swells and the brothers hug it out. Hug it out boys. Hug it out.

Take aways from “The World Has Turned and Left Me Here,”

The writers seem to have gotten all their information about 1994 from a Buzzfeed list.

It’s a wonder anyone in Mystic Falls ever gets laid as they almost all suck at flirting.

Sometimes all you really need to get closure is for your dead brother to show up alive again.

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