Welcome to the Legion!

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Last night’s episode didn’t have the usual Originals shock value, but it was still a solid setup to more future Mikaelson craziness. Also, most of it focused on Marcel, which was good because it’d been too long since Vampire Lando got an episode. He’s still stuck at the compound with the rest of the vampires, of course, but, because of that nasty werewolf bite he got on his arm last episode, he’s starting to hallucinate, giving us the perfect excuse to flashback to France in 1918 where he’s fighting World War I with his infantry unit the Brotherhood of the Damned and his old friend Joe, who used to own the record store. This helps him remember how he became a leader and inspires him to rally the hangry vampires trapped inside the compound.

Elsewhere, Klaus gets Davina to do another spell, while they compete to see who can yell loudest. He tries to convince her that Finn is a**hole #1 when, suddenly, she informs Klaus that she can see Finn doing magic and he’s using his parents to help with his crazy spell. Because she can also see the location, she tells Klaus who starts to take off but collapses instead.

At the safe house, Cami starts talking to Elijah about his subconscious, and his violent behavior. At first, he’s unimpressed and actually name drops Freud. But Cami is actually good at her job, so she gets him to start talking about the infamous red door. He then breaks down and tells her how he killed Tatia, that it wasn’t their mom, and that he’s afraid to tell Klaus because, as we all know, he’s not the most forgiving. Then, he faints, and looks fantastic while doing so.

Back at the compound, as Kol starts being a little bitch to Gia and Josh, he collapses, too. The three brothers meet in some weird Evil Dead looking place with four different animal heads on the walls that Kol calls a “hunt room”, a place that witches use to mind eff the eff out of people. Finn shows up and states that he’s untouchable. In other words, it’s his jerk magic, and his jerk rules. Also, because he can keep them here pretty much indefinitely, they better get comfortable with their bodies being unconscious and vulnerable on the outside. Among other things, this gives Davina the opportunity to slap Klaus’ limp face around to wake him up, something she must have known was futile but seemed really happy to try anyway. Later, as she talks to Cami on the phone, they both realize what’s going on.

Finn tells his brothers he’s waiting until sundown to release the ultra hungry vamps from the compound. The catch is that it’s Carillon Eve in New Orleans and there is a freaking parade of delicious people walking around, which is kinda like a revolving sushi bar for starving vamps. Also, being the enormous dick that he is, Finn makes Kol’s body even more vulnerable by giving him a nose bleed, so the vamps will freak out. Marcel stops them, of course, but Gia and Josh finally see his werewolf bite in the process. Gia is furious that he didn’t tell them he’s dying and calls him a crappy leader because dammit she needs to eat!

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In puppy land, Aiden is the first wolf to give up his ring, and anxiously awaits Hayley and Jackson’s wedding. Werewolf Aragorn introduces Hayley to his grandma who is the sassiest and has no time for any of us. She explains that the two alphas have to get high on some flower in order to be completely honest with each other, since there must be no secrets between them. Hayley, wanting to protect her daughter, says no effing way. But Jackson gets all mushy on her again and convinces her that it’s ok because she won’t have to fight her demons alone, and I kinda slept and barfed through this part, even though a lot of people watching probably swooned.

Back at the brotherhood of the traveling suits, while Elijah is pulling out his handkerchief like a boss, Finn finds out Kol is hiding Rebekah, so he sends him back to his body. Then Finn brings up Klaus’ biological dad, and he starts to realize that his big bad wolf of a brother doesn’t care about Rebekah, or his dad, or his noble stag of a brother, Elijah. It’s clear to him that he’s hiding something else. This is the part where Yusuf Gatewood should get the Emmy for Best Villain Who’s Really Smart And Also An Enormous Dick. But just as Finn starts to focus on Klaus’s lost daughter, Elijah steps in. Since Finn is using representational magic, Elijah believes that he’s being misrepresented. He explains that the noble stag is his deception, and starts telling Klaus the truth. S**t! Finn explains that Elijah is still acting noble, so his jerk magic stands. Klaus, however, surprises Finn (and the rest of us) by acting very un-wolf like and forgiving Elijah. Stuff starts to burn down, and as they go attack their boar of a brother, they wake up in their bodies.

As sundown nears, we get another flashback to World War I where Marcel saves Joe and his other war comrades by turning them. Then present-day Vampire Lando gives the hungry vamps a speech about fighting for his city, his home, and his family, which basically went like this: “Let’s go back to my crib. I have a shiz ton of blood there. Don’t eat the humans.” The sun sets and they make their way through the parade while we flashback to World War I Marcel and his vampire comrades effing up some Germans. As Gia says they’re gonna make it, Marcel collapses.

Davina finally finds Kol, and they swap some saliva. Then Marcel wakes up in his pad and everything seems ok. Gia tells him she saved him by giving him some of Klaus’ blood, and she apologizes for being a pain in the ass. Then he wisely tells her that only the weak don’t challenge authority. Swoon! And, of course, Finn shows up to ruin the sexual tension and do more dickish things. He seems to think he can get Klaus’ secret out of Marcel.

Klaus recruits Aiden to find Marcel, and Aiden informs him that Hayley is about to tell Jackson all of the truths, but Klaus is having none of that, of course. And I’m telling you nothing else since we have to wait until next week to find out what happens. Until next time, fellow goth nerds!

In addition to being a Legion of Leia contributor, in her spare time, Dorina also writes for Nerds In Babeland, can hum all of John Williams’ soundtracks, sings some pretty amazing Buffy karaoke, and can beat you at Mario Kart. Follow Dorina on Twitter @evildorina and visit her Tumblr if you’re a cool person.

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Dorina Arellano

Dorina Arellano grew up in the land of soccer, tacos and Morrissey, the awesome country that is Mexico. She’s studied music since she was in her mother’s belly, can hum all of John Williams’ soundtracks, and sings some pretty amazing Buffy karaoke. She currently lives in Los Angeles with her toys, comic book collection, and equally nerdy husband, who doesn’t seem to understand why Batman is better than Superman. She currently works for one of the nerdiest companies ever, Google. In addition to being a Legion of Leia contributor, in her spare time, Dorina also writes for Nerds In Babeland. Follow Dorina on Twitter @evildorina and dare to challenge her at Mario Kart.

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