Welcome to the Legion!

iZombie 202

iZombie might be my favorite show on television. I’ve been excited for Liv to get brain-drunk on a frat boy since they teased it at SDCC, and finally the moment has arrived! After a good-but-not-amazing season 2 premiere (that understandably spent a lot of time checking in to see where most of the characters were at), iZombie has fully returned to form in Zombie Bro. With some of the best lines yet and a case of the week that was actually intriguing (and not just because I’ve had a fair amount of wine thanks to my participation in the Primary Debate Drinking Game before watching iZ), this episode delivered on everything I expected from the promos featuring Ravi bedecked in glitter and FART. So without further ado, let us dive in.

Major is feeling guilty about offing his zombie client as he watches the children of zombie client plead for info about their missing dad on the local news. But we aren’t dwelling on this because it is the Frat Brains Episode, and Chad Wolcoff (Jonathan Whitesell) is getting stabbed approximately 74 times after shouting “Hail Caesar!”

He came. He saw. He was stabbed several times in quick succession with a cylindrical object.

He came. He saw. He was stabbed several times in quick succession with a cylindrical object.

Ravi notes the vials of utopium at the party, which gives him an idea. A bad idea. We’ll get to that in a second.

Checking in with Blaine, he’s putting together a new utopium dealing ring using his recent delivery, which will provide higher highs but lower lows. Blaine wants to keep his involvement quiet so he doesn’t become a target of Mr. Boss, who runs the drug trade in Seattle. He’s rounded up some generically attractive middle-class white dudes to be his dealers so he can hook higher class clientele.

When Clive and Liv attempt to interview the rest of the frat bros, they are unsurprisingly useless. Blah blah stripper car wash blah blah beer. The brains have kicked into high gear right away, and Clive has no idea how to deal with Liv when she tries to coax the flow of the hose on the keg. Or really how to deal with her at any point while she is on Frat Brains. The brothers mention that Chad pulled a bunch of pranks, but they seem to think they were all in good fun. Their CHUG chant triggers a vision in which a twitchy freshman accuses Chad of ruining his life, and Liv promptly calls him out. The octave Head Frat Douche Brody (Justin Prentice) hits when he says “DAAAAAMMMNN” is one only known to dogs and Mariah Carey.

Apparently Freshman was sent streaking by Chad … past an elementary school. Now Freshman is a registered sex offender, but Chad convinced him to stay in the frat because it would help his (now almost nonexistent) career prospects. His alibi for the murder is that he was flirting with a sexy unicorn, and he has pictures to prove it! Clive goes through the pictures and discovers that someone in a blue furry outfit was near Chad right when he died. When he asks the bros about this, they are once again not helpful. Clive does not have any patience for these idiots.

iZombie 202

After returning to the morgue to find Ravi napping, Liv decorates him with FART and glitter and proceeds to arrange the medical skeletons into compromising positions. Ravi’s lack of amusement (despite looking MAAAAHvelous) triggers a vision of the Dean suspending Chad for something that was “NOT funny.”

Clive brings in the student that filed the complaint, who happens to be named Chad Wolcoff. And this Chad Wolcoff (Marshal Allman) does not appreciate being confused with Frat Chad Wolcoff, particularly when his invite to speak to students about the dangers of drunk driving accidentally ended up in the hands of Frat Chad. Frat Chad decided to give the talk himself, which basically ended up being a “how-to” on driving drunk, and Sober Chad was not amused. Liv thinks Sober Chad is way too tightly wound, and Clive thinks he could have snapped, but I’m just not seeing Sober Chad as the killer.

iZombie 202

Ravi and Major are the true love story of iZombie. Ravi is the kind of friend that gives his recently cured zombie friends frequent check ups, and he’s hoping that Major is the kind of friend that will play chaperone when Ravi tries utopium to “understand it.”

Major doesn’t manage to escape the morgue before Liv arrives, which leads to an extremely awkward encounter in which Major is overwhelmed by how casually Liv explains her odd behavior: “I’m on frat boy brains.”

Upset over her conversation with Major, Frat Liv decides to break out a six-pack and drink it shotgun style. Gilda (Leanne Lapp), who does NOT work for the IRS but rather for Max Rager, is not thrilled by Liv’s plan to order hot wings and watch ENTOURAGE.

iZombie 202

The moment that broke me (and provided a surprisingly good ab workout) was during Brody’s call to invite Liv to a memorial party for Chad when he explained “I got your deets from a Jamaican dude at the morgue.” I could only assume that he is referring to Ravi, and this sent me into fits of laughter as I tried to determine how Jamaican entered Brody’s mind. Anywho, Gilda agrees to go to the “Anything Goes But Clothes” Memorial Party (keep it classy, bros) with Liv.

At the party, aspiring Mark Zuckerberg Brody is excited to tell Liv all about his Do Date Leave website, which is basically a Network Censors Approved way of saying Fuck Marry Kill. Gilda excuses herself to get all the alcohol because she is not thrilled with her assignment getting closer to Liv. Liv, meanwhile is on a mission for Justice. She is laser focused on that mission- BEER PONG. Frat Liv is the dog from UP.

I don’t feel a recap can do justice to the beauty that is the scene in which Ravi and Major attempt to purchase drugs at a club, so I shall simply transcribe it for you.

Major returns from the bathroom.
Major: I was wrong about the bathroom being the place to score drugs. There’s, uh, definitely some transactions going on in there but not the kind we’re looking for. How you holding up?
Ravi: Everyone looks like a drug dealer in this lighting. I have to say I’m disappointed. I thought we’d be better at this.
Major: Because everything about me says I’d be awesome at scoring drugs?
Ravi: You bought a grenade out of the trunk of a car! How can you not figure out how to buy drugs at a night club?
Major: It’s a different skillset. Look if you wanted a bazooka, I could get you a bazooka in 15 minutes. At cost.
Ravi: That isn’t very helpful right now, is it?
Dealer that has been listening to their conversation: Looking to score some U?
Ravi: Um maybe. I don’t know. How do I know you’re not a cop?
Dealer (re: Major): How do I know he’s not a cop?
Ravi: How do you know I’m not a cop!? I’m strangely offended. Frankly I’m fairly certain I’m the closest to law enforcement here.
Dealer: How much do you want?
Ravi: Oh two, please. One to take now and one to take in a controlled environment at a later date.

Ravi: So once one purchases the drugs, where does one do them?

Ravi is crazy high on utopium and attempting to keep a log of the experience on his phone, but this is probably not going to be coherent at all. Major is not amused by Ravi’s antics, yet he considers the second dose of utopium.

AAAAAND Major took the second dose. Ravi and Major dance it out together. This is the bromance we need in our lives. I friend-ship RAJOR forever. However, if you are the designated driver/designated get-me-to-a-hospital-if-anything-goes-wrong, then you probably shouldn’t partake in mind-altering substances, Major.

Back at the frat party, sorry, Memorial Party, Liv has been sufficiently guilted by Gilda to get to work. She chats with Brody about the Dog Fight Party, which is not as bad as it sounds but is still not great: the bros invite the ugliest girls they can find. Liv gets the name of Chads date. She also gets a call from some guy that found Major passed out in the club’s bathroom because Liv is still listed as his emergency contact. I didn’t connect with this relationship last season, but I’m starting to root for these two.

Liv comes to Major’s rescue and finds Ravi dancing shirtless on stage.

This is the best episode of television ever.

This is the best episode of television ever.

Liv wrangles the boys to a cab, where Ravi is excited that they are all “in the know over the zombie thing,” except the cab driver who is not in the know. Shush Ravi! Major throws Liv’s phone out of the car because “They can hear you! They are always listening!” In the moment, I was confused, but yeah, Major is right. Max Rager had recordings from Liv’s phone. Also, Ravi wants to get matching tattoos.

Back home, Major is being cared for by Liv, and he asks her to stay!

iZombie 202

Major: I won’t let anything happen to you.
Liv: And I won’t shave your eyebrows.

That’s love, folks.

Chad’s Dog Fight Party date is on her way to the station to be questioned, but Liv suddenly isn’t sure she knew about the cruel intentions of the party. And she’s right. The date is crushed when Clive tells her. Not the killer.

While Ravi is transcribing his thoroughly non-coherent notes (including an amazing rap), a new dead body arrives: the dealer Ravi bought utopium from and three more just like him. I should point out that this dealer and the other three belong to Blaine’s new utopium business. Or belonged. And all four of the victims are missing teeth and fingernails. Ow.

When Blaine learns that Mr. Boss knocked off all four of his new dealers, he’s pretty chill. Then he smashes his phone. So, not totally chill.

Clive has finally tracked down who rented the blue furry costume. It is Sonny (Grayson Gabriel) and his nice girlfriend from Spokane. They claim to have never left the house, which confuses the hell out of Clive and Liv because they’ve never seen a CSI episode. They are furries. Google it. Clive does not want any further info, and he crosses Sonny off of the suspect list.

Blaine starts making bigger moves by going to visit the DA, who Blaine has turned into a zombie. Blaine wants DA to put Mr. Boss in jail, but DA is hesitant because Mr. Boss controls everything criminal in Seattle down to DVD late fees (where do you have video rental stores?) and everyone is kinda OK with that system. But Blaine knows that if there’s one thing to get law enforcement to act, it’s the deaths of attractive rich white kids… just like those four dead dealers. Hell yeah, Blaine is starting a war.

iZombie 202

He also takes time to visit his father, Angus (Robert Knepper), and we learn exactly how Blaine became the sociopath we know today. His dad is evil. His mom killed herself using Angus’ gun, and Angus completely ignored the warning signs that something was wrong. Angus never supported any of Blaine’s ideas. And, naturally, Blaine turned Angus into a zombie. Blaine tells his pops that he is going to take over the company and stick Angus in the hellhole where he sent Blaine’s grandfather. He also demands Angus write him a half-million dollar check.

The blue furry costume has been laundered already, so there’s no evidence on it. But, Liv is busy with Brody’s Do Date Leave website trying to determine how she feels about Dermot Mulroney and Dylan McDermott and/or which one is which. And that’s when they realize they could have killed the wrong guy.

Sober Chad is also from Spokane, and he killed Sonny’s dad while driving drunk. Sonny breaks easily and confesses that he was pissed to see the guy that killed is dad livin’ it up at the party, but he’s horrified to learn that Frat Chad isn’t the Chad that killed his father. That Chad, Sober Chad, has completely changed his ways and is trying to make amends by giving anti-drunk-driving talks to kids.

This gives Liv hope that she could repair her relationship with Major, but when she stops by to pick up the replacement cellphone he bought for her, Major refuses to see her. Because he is locked in his room doing more utopium. NOOOO MAJOR NOOOOOOOO

Next week we get Liv as a Real Housewife of Seattle!

Quotables:

  • “I hope you like Yeager bombs and homoerotic subtext.”
  • “A pterodactyl could be inside there and no one would know.”
  • “I’m referring to your beard as princess sparkles from now on.”
  • “You know hugs are my drug of choice.”
  • “Isn’t that kinda like smacking a bear to understand what being mauled feels like?”
  • “Yeah there’s no way I’m not drinking something I didn’t pour myself. And there’s no way I’m not drinking, so I’ll be right back.”
  • “You know what we need for the house? VELVET”

 

Legion contributor Katia Juanita is recapping and reviewing iZombie for us this season. Follow her on Twitter @katiajuanita

About author View all posts

Katia Juanita

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.